tired of your teasing and your jokes

sup bloggers? how you all doin? im quite fine here with the loved ones.

yesterday was not the way i expected it to be. i was dry and very tired. maklumlah its the 1st day of puasa. haha i played with my lil bros in the living room and until my mom called my bro and asked him if he already finish his hw. he didn't so me and ben acconpanied boy to do his work!

sungkai was like a moment of glory for me as i said that i was dry and tired. we had a nice dinner. hehe. and did i tell you people that i got my facial treatment with my mom! oh, it hurts like hell! and its leaving scars and clots! i can't wait till it runs off. it hurts! hahaa

i went to seria with my brothers boy and roy and my sister plus my madre! haha i like to call her that! its a spanish word for mother! in case you don't know.

i guess i gtg now! so this is it

desperate

Alhamdulillah, the fasting has just began and i can't wait till it ends. hehe anyways i have lots of things to tell but i'm so bored but im energetic at the same time. i am now officially joshua's partner for the std project that we have to present it by monday of not then, i'll say au revoir to my marks. enternal marks do support us spn-21 candidates. though for me, every mark counts and i would say without or with spn-21 marks will always be important. and i'm now trying to find some resources for the std project. so i think this is the end of my post hope to write to you guys soon (:

unpresent in life

today was not a blast at school. i really thought that i was gonna change as i've said on the last 3 posts. but, unfortunately, there are some blockers in my way to that path of changing my self into someone useful and someone who is normal. i know that the phrase "its okay to be different" is true but is it okay to be different when that thing you are in different of is being the burden in your life which will make you lose your self control. syahin, iwan and mizan had been advicing me lately about something which really made me motivated with their stories. thanks guys it really made me feel that i am very motivated.

i had mood swings today, i was really sad i don't know why. and i feel so sleepy now its lateeee. 11.19pm uhhh... actually there's an extraclass on maths tommorow at school on SUNDAY, i really appriciated my teacher to do that but sir, why sunday? i don't wanna babble or something i was just ask you that. okay i didn't went to ugama school for some reasons.

in the night, i followed my uncle and my bro boy, to send my bro roy to wywy kb as he has this idk so we dropped him off and went to supasave. we bought STARBUCKS. yes it was nice but, i only drank a little. i was sharing it with my lil' bro okay. i'm scared that my pimpples would start to grow again so i just took 2 chugs and thats it, im done.

okay i think this is it. bye

situations uncontrolled

hello welcome to my blog hehe sorry for not updating lately im very busy with facebooking and all so sorry. hehe homework ku lagi banyak iatahtubah! haha but now i'm not because i have time. this morning was a blast . i don't know why i am very hyper today? well, that only happened in the morning but not in the afternoon. it's very... the weathers not the one that i expected, its very hot and bright. i'm not complaining at all but as you can see the forests are burnt by the sunlight. i was hoping for it to rain somehow.

I can't even hang out with a friend today as he is painting the ugama school's library. i can't be mad at him just because he didn't even hang out with me. haha we did hung out in the end for about lets say 3-5 minutes? yes i think so :/

we went to my grands' house at lumut. they called us for dinner!! (ooooo!!) but its not that formal its just for fun. hehe my granny really did cheered me up with her funny words. hahah and yes, we enjoyed the dinner very much. thanks grands hhehe.

i think that's all i could say for today. bye

spreading some stuffs

after throwing my tantrums last night, i realized that i am now cured and i am now fresh but that doesn't mean that i am healed from the pain and besides this, there's lots to be modified and there's a lot to be repaired so i'm getting started on the new chapter of my life now and i don't know what comes next but i am really serious on changing.

i went through lots and lots of changes but there's always something making that impossible to be accomplished but now i really am serious and i am not playing nor fooling around. thats my goal and that will always be my goal. after this is done than i'm satisfied.

change means risk and i'm taking the risk for my future. i really need some advice right now but it turns out SOMEONE doesn't even care. then go ahead and thank you for not caring. okay that was just me. i don't know, i really am nervous nowadays and i don't know why. i am really scared and horrified if something bad is going to happen and i feel guilty at the same time. what in the world is happening to me? i don't know what the heck it is but i'll just have to wait. lets just hope it doesn't effect friendship and family. AMIN!

okay i think i'm off now. it turns out that i am very bored at this moment and i think i will until tomorow starts.

now i know

AAAAAAARGHHHH!! why are there so much tense in lifee??? why are there so many stuffs to solve when you have another freaking problem coming your wayy?? whyy??

okay sorry, that was just me throwing tantrums. but anyways i really hated this time of day where i felt soo down todayy people! idk why but somehow i know that there's a source of this problem. but you guys don't need to know. its one of jack's project so keep your hands off the plan or it'll be cut into slices of burittos! aiaiai! yum! hahaha

i knew that this time of day will come and it did come. i asked my best friend amir if i look gay or not (am expecting for a yes as i felt i do look like a gay!) and yes he said yes. thanks mir i appriciate your kindness and honest answer. thanks. shit! why am i like this? i'm kinda mad right now to my self, offcourse. i'm like ughh. i don't know what to say as i am like unexpressive right now! shit! shit! shit! shit! ehhh, shut the fuck up jack! chillax dood! i'm having a bad time right now and i really need some, i mean lots and lots of time to think. but why do i look and act soo gayyy!!! whyyy????!!!!

okay i'm facing a bad time in my life and it's the worstest time ever in my life where i am very very mad at myself like shit! right now isn't the time to think about anything. ahhhh!!! whyy??? i mean the whole school ucap aku, and why am i so confident bnr that what they are saying are wrong???? i do look like a gay dood (but i ain't gay offcourse) but now i know what THEY were saying was right! i was the one who's wrong and you guys know what? in all of a sudden everything's coming back to me! ehhh i don't know why eh!

i am such a turb and i don't know why. and btw by ucap-ing aku gay doesn't even cure eventhougj you guys are playing for fucking jokes like shit out of me! it doesn't help, it KILLS me! it burns down my ass! okay? clear? if you are not clear with what i am saying, then read through again and understand the meaning of sad, mad and dissappointed!

eventhough i'm having a VERY EXTRAVAGANZA bad day today, at least someone's having her happy day, my sister. congrats ka ahh hehe :D

i am so damn sad todayy!! i just realized, shit! i'm off to bed so that this fucking problem will decrease slowly. but i'm still gonna change though! huh bye

P/S: IF YOU THINK THAT YOU NEED A CHANGE THEN DO IT!

a fresh start

with all the things that i've been through i know that i should really take it easy. and now i'm taking a fresh start and i know i've made lots and lots of mistakes but who doesn't make mistakes, its where we fix our selves to become a helpful human being to the world.

extra class was okay today. eventhough theres something happening between my friends but its just small matter. and i was shocked to see some romeo-juliet action. haha i didn't mean to stalk anyway i was just looking by accident but its okay.

ugama orals are greatt!! its eassaayyy!! i can't believe its overr! ahhh ALHAMDULILLAH thank God its over. i am soo happay!

and me and my uncle went to shura's house because she invites us to play badminton. everyone knows that i don't play badminton so they both play while i listen to the rythm of lady gaga's musics, haha but overall we had a great time. thanks shuraa!!

okay im off as it is already 9 PM my bedtime so bye!

P/S: MY DAD'S LIKE FACING THIS FEVER AND ALSO COLD SO DAD, CEPAT CEPAT LAH SEMBUH SUPAYA KAMI DAPAT URUT BAPA LAGI HHAHAHAA

happened at only flash

as i battle my way of memorizing for the amali and al-quran tests which are coming like hours from now, there are some incidents which i would and will share with you readers later but now i'm gonna tell you guys about the news i just heard from everyone as if its the headline for todays paper. my friend (iakan?) naj is now coulple-ing with haziqah murdini. i wasn't really interested or even menyibuk about this but i wanna tell you both that i'm happy that you guys are good together.

about school, today turns out to be a great day, in the morning but not during the afternoon during the afternoon. there's science,maths,bm,english and commerce today. all of these are like my favorite subjects. haha i know i'm strange but who cares?
anyways, yes i was actually planning to hang out with my 2b friends but they (a few) were hanging their selves at the 1b class' i don't know actually what it is but i heard from amir that they were actually flash back-ing their way about last year's memories and if i were flash back-ing mine, than its gonna be the worstest flash-back that i would had. but he did appolagize for forgetting to hang out but its okay actually. he doesn't even need to appolagize as it is a small problem for me eventhough i waited for him for about 15 min. haha.

at ugama school, huh here comes the time where i was very hot as in hangat hangat sensasi. haha you guys know why? because actually i asked naj if he ever like call me gay. i was very confident and was expecting a no no from him since he's very close to me at ugama school during quran period and he always told me to sit next to him. i was very shocked when i heard em say " awu pulang, pernah pulang" i was like "holy shit!" well i felt backstabbed all these days but anyways, a jerk is always a jerk (you know who) but anyways i think i should really really forgive him but umm i don't know. okay btw here's the list on the people which i know that called me yes the "g" word at ugama school in my class.

total boys: 12 peoples

people who calls me "g": NAJ, QAWIM, AZRI, AFIF, AZIB,

people who didn't call me "g": AZIZ, DAUS, HAZWAN, AFHAM, SAINI

the person who i am not sure if he calls me that or not: MALIKUL

see thats all i could say and i actually asked them person by person and everybody did confessed. i just wanna say thanks to NAJ, QAWIM, AZRI, AFIF & AZIB. thanks for making my afternoon very fucked up! and you guys know what? i think i won't even talk to you guys anymore. cause you're jerks. i would talk with you guys for just some reasons. but anyways thanks for my favorite duos amir and anik for cheering me up (i wasn't cam mau mau minta kana cheer up, they were doing funny stuffs which cheered me up) thank God, at least i got someone who understands me.

my uncle went home to keriam today. haha skadar. and btw i have to come to my grands' house at lumut for an occassion i think its doa arwah. yes, and it is held after asar prayer so podin mawa and pawa's coming. hehe and thanks aunty weni for giving me this nice advices about this bullshit. haha thanks.

okay i think this is all so bye